I have two blog sites now this one http://lovelymama-loveandmotherhood.blogspot.com and http://hubpages.com/hub/Love-and-Motherhood Below is my recent blog on hub pages.
I actually left something out of this. I didn't have the type of support from my family that most people get because I was too ashamed to tell my family all of the feelings I felt. I have too much pride and often have trouble asking for help. I really didn't want them looking down on me with pity or disgust.
My Struggles and how I overcame them
How it all starts!
When I found out I was pregnant there was nothing in the world that could bring my mood down... So I thought! Many women now a days have a job/career, keep house, try to maintain a healthy relationship with their significant other, pay the bills, and keep an active social calendar. Now add pregnancy hormones and you are a time bomb waiting to go off.
1. Being the breadwinner
Many women today are not only working but are also the bread winners. This brings the added stress of making sure you don't lose your job. If you are in management like I was, this also means every day your work being scrutinized to the letter. If you are a woman working for a man that doesn't feel a woman should be in the work place or at the same level as them this brings on the added pressure of making sure you are on the top of your game. There are so many struggles for women in the workplace as it is, then you get pregnant and if you think you had to worry about your job before you are probably twice as likely to worry about it now. These stresses if you don't know how to deal with them can build up and put stress on your pregnancy.
2. Maintaining a clean and healthy living environment
When you get done work, you probably don't stop there. At least if you were anything like me. You probably go home and cook a meal and clean the house before settling down to tv and then bed. This means the added stress of what to make for dinner and which room to start in first. If you are a seasoned house wife this may not be an issue for you at all... but for the rest of us (at least in my case) I had a hard enough day at work the last thing I wanted to worry about was what to cook for dinner...
3. Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with your significant other
Now you work at work and come home and work, when is there time to spend with your significant other... When you sleep?? On the weekends when you really want to relax or hang out with friends?? What does he/she expect from me??? Not to mention who wants to have relations when your as tired as you are??
4. Doing the finances
This is my biggest challenge and stress. I definately do not want to deal with the stress of handling the finances. However that is what I am stuck with. If you live above your means or have debt but not enough income, what gets paid and what slacks until next month... If you are lucky enough to have more income then debt-more power to you but in most cases this is not true, then this is added stress.
5. Maintaining a social calendar
Keeping up with friends is difficult to do when you barely have time for your spouse/S.O. You have to remember birthdays and anniversaries as well as important events... It can get hectic!! You might have a friend who is hanging on that thin line of becoming just an acquaintance.. because when was the last time you spoke to that person?? Then you have the friend who is not going to let you forget your friends-thank god for this one- and calls you everyday and won't accept you not being able to answer the phone. With everything else going on in your life and the stresses you have to manage, how is bringing a baby into this going to make you happy or bring you happiness.
6. Prenancy hormones, complications...more stress
When your pregnant the hormones in your body make you do several things you would not normally do. In my case it was stick up for myself against people that were sarcastic or trying to walk all over me--I kind of wish this had stuck LOL! But it could also mean that you are crying more then usual, angry more then usual, forgetful more then usual, etc, etc... If you are not able to manage the stresses you will have problems. Toxemia is a blood pressure condition in pregnant women, also known as Preeclampsia/Eclampsia. If you do not have a healthy diet and know how to maintain your stress this is likely to occur. It did in my case. I went into preterm labor at 34 weeks and was put out of work. When I went for my 36 week check up they told me I needed to be induced the next day. I was terrified. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was very reluctant and wanted to wait for as long as I could but the doctor and my husband convinced me other wise. I wasn't ready emotionally to have my baby. Even with all of the anticipation I felt to see her...
7. Baby is here!!
I was in labor for about twelve hours.. pushed for about one hour and was in the hospital for a matter of 2 days. My baby was 6lbs14 oz, seemed healthy and we couldn't have been happier. When they drew her blood to check her bilirubin levels I felt more pain then I ever imagined feeling when she was screaming because of the pain the lancet brought her I broke down. I didn't think I would be able to stand. The nurse made me sit down after giving me a big hug. Her levels were high and they would need to keep her there. I was very lucky my husband and I were able to stay with her in the hospital... When I was in there recovering she never left my side. When she was trying to bring her b.r.l. down we never left her side. It was heart wrenching to know that she was not well and would need to be treated for her condition. Granted it was like staying under a tanning light all day and night but there are separate worries that go along with that. (like is she going to be blind because she took off her eye coverings??) When we were finally able to come home (the second time-the first was when they sent me home with her, she had to go back the next day to check the b.r.l's. and we were told to come back)with her she was sent home with a light device because she still wasn't out of the woods. She never seemed to sleep. She was always crying and I was up for literally 3 months straight. I was crying all of the time and due to the lack of sleep was stressed to my breaking points several times. There wasn't a day when I didn't think really bad thoughts on how to make the stress go away(like during her screaming fits that would last for hours). It's a blessing that I valued my daughter's life and my own more then not. Then it was time to go back to work. I went back to my doctor for my postpartum check up and she gave me a questionnaire to fill out. Well needless to say I failed. I talked to my doctor and told her how drained and stressed I was feeling due to all of the stress, she then decided it was best if I was out of work for a little while longer. She put me on an anti depressant and then sooner then later I was back to work. I worked third shift and my husband worked first. We couldn't afford day care-let alone most had waiting lists that didn't help us either. I got no sleep. I also suffer from sleep apnea and was falling asleep behind the wheel due to not being able to rest sufficiently. I gave it a good shot, on the other end of it my husband couldn't handle our daughters screaming fits or lack of sleeping through the night on his own and we made the very difficult decision for me to quit my job.
8. Getting past the endless sadness and feeling of hopelessness
In the long run aside from our current financial difficulties, it was for the best that I quit my job and we really had no other options. I received support(mental and emotional) from my friends. I found comfort in reading letters of hope through postpartum depression, hearing about other's difficulties and how they managed through their crisis can be very inspirational. I didn't find any relief from the anti depressant that the doctor put me on. I put my responsibilities on hold (my other stresses) while I managed the stress of having a new born and the financial obligations that this brought on. It was a little more simple. My husband helped me with the cleaning. I was able to get more sleep. We ate what we could find basically and we just tried to see the brighter side of things. I encourage any women that benefits from anti depressants to use them. It helps to have someone to speak to also. There is a lot of help that you can research on line or have someone else research for you. There are plenty of forums and support groups. If you visit http://workathomestayathomemommyofone.com(this is an informational site to help parents and is still under construction) there are links under helping parents that lead you to the forums and support groups. Do not stay quiet about your condition. Do not let anyone tell you that you are a bad person because of the way you are thinking or how you are feeling. This is not your fault. If you know someone who is having difficulty or you suspect that someone is going through ppd, get help for them. They may not want it or really need it, but more often then not if you are noticing behavioral differences in them, then they do. Better safe then sorry. If you do not seek help or give someone help though and the situation gets worse or something bad happens as a result of it then you can not use the excuse that you tried and failed. With as many resources as are available these days we can not say we did not know. Too many women and children lose their lives because of this psychological disorder.
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