Sleeping through the night!

God will I ever sleep again?
The Miracle of Birth
Most parents that have been trying and even those that haven't are excited to hear the news about being pregnant. After a long nine months that may or may not have been good, it's time for the new baby to take their place in your family. Ah the miracle of birth! There is a brief experience which may or may not be painful when you are pushing your child through your birth canal and out your vagina, but then it's time to meet your bundle of joy! Then it is time for everyone else to meet your bundle of joy...everyone is oooohing and aaaaaahing over the wonderful addition to your family. You take the baby home to get it acquainted with their new and hopefully permanent living environment, where you will live and grow as a family. During this growth period there are many things that happen or change and continue to happen and change even after they have moved away as adults. Your life is pretty much never the same-and this is a good thing right? Of course it is. However during the long and complicated road to this joy there are many speed bumps that can occur. One of these being the baby that can not sleep through the night.

Sleepless In... Well You Get My Drift!The first months are the most difficult because there are so many things to worry about.. If your baby was premature or had problems at birth, this will worry you for oh the rest of their lives. Even if they end up being the healthiest kids alive you will still have that dreadful fear that at any time the problems they had at birth could resurface and hurt them at any time. Then you have the normal every day worries of a new parent, SIDS being one of them-even though you have the really expensive SIDS monitor that will alert you to them not breathing, let me tell you this is not much comfort to worry wort parents, like myself... Then probably because you coddled them soooo much-especially if this is your first-they can not sleep unless they are sleeping on or with you... This is dangerous because then you and your baby are not getting the quality of sleep you or they need-in their case to develop properly and in your case to function properly. So you go through the motions of trying to make them sleep in their own bed and in their own room... This could go two ways really great or really terrible.

Sleeping In Their Own SpaceThe first attempt will almost definately be a failure. This may be frustrating but stick to it, it will eventually get better -try taking baby steps. The second attempt may not be much better. After the fifth or sixth attempt usually you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally you think on the first night they are able to sleep through the night. Finally you are able to rest. If you are one of the lucky many this is the end of your worries-sure you may have a few nights that the baby will keep you up-sickness and other things included below... If you are one of the few unlucky ones this one night of rest is a godsend because for the next few-at least- nights you are going to be ready to dose the baby with cold medication-Do not do this!!!-yes in the past you hear of people putting stuff in babies milk but look at how messed up some people are now a days(may not be all of them that had this done but do you really want to take that chance?) Do not give up hope. Try to relax and keep at it, i know your tired-I have been there and because of my PPD it made me think some awful things, but you have to hang in there and calm yourself down, If you are stressing and frustrated your baby is going to pick up on it and you will be making the situation worse. Your patience and determination will pay off.

The Effort
Okay here is how your night might go... You get the baby to sleep and settled for the night in your arms.. You go to transfer the baby into the crib and they wake up and won't stop crying. You start over. This may go on for quite some time, but finally 2a and your baby is asleep. Yay!! They are in their crib and you are settling down. You close your eyes-bam baby is crying. Yes it is frustrating and yes it seems like it is never going to end. Then it does and you are able to get two hours of sleep. This is why experts tell you to sleep when the baby is sleeping so that you can handle these sleepless frustrating nights. You will try everything from soothing music to light shows projected on their ceilings and all the while you feel as though you are losing you mind and wasting your money. Heck sometimes you even think well maybe they just want to play and once they get it out of their system they will go to sleep and everything will be fine. If you try this make sure you know they may get used to this and it may entice them to keep up acting the way they do. You have to program them like you would a cell phone. Sometimes this is by trial and error. No worries you can always reprogram. It takes time though. Mind you there may be set backs... Don't let these stagger your endless efforts, things will go back to normal.

Sickness Set Backs
If your child is sick-virus, bacterial, fever, whatever it is going to affect theirs and your sleep. This will bring up your feelings of frustration again but try to remember it is not your child's fault they are sick. They can not help it and when they are sick usually that means they want their parents. Sick children demand and deserve there parents attention. Do not overlook symptoms. If your child is crying go through your checklists that your parenting books have helped you make... Does your child have a fever?, do they sound hoarse, are they congested or have a runny nose, is there a change in their personality, etc... all of these (and more not listed) could indicate that your child is sick. If you are unsure call their doctor and the doctor will be able to tell you or see the child to determine the problem. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed to take your child to the doctor or ER. Remember their safety is your number one priority. Besides you know how you feel when your sick, heck my husband still wants his mommy's chicken soup (for that matter I want his mothers chicken soup) when he is sick. Children are designed to need there parents for comforting. Now it is not always because they are sick but other causal factors could include teething, night terrors, storms that have loud thunder, and many other causes that are out of your babies control.

These Things Take Time
Just try to remember that even though this is frustrating and you probably will never get the quality of sleep that you had when you were younger-if you ever had the sleep quality you should-you will be able to enjoy a restful night eventually. In the mean time try and enjoy your child and the time you share with them.

finding a niche

It's hard to find the right niche on line that might make money... You try to think of the different things you like, and try to stay as close to your beliefs as possible. You don't hear a lot that someone had to scam a bunch of people in order to make so much money or that they had to spam you email until it crashes but that's what a lot of these get rich quick schemes are all about. I know because I almost fell prey to a couple of these. As it is now I like Google adsense and it is working out ok for me, but I don't know if I would ever be able to make a living off of it. That being said, same goes for avon. Time has come to try and find a legit job-in this market it may be near impossible...

getting a job

So I haven't had a job now for about 6months. Doing things like adsense to try and make a little money but so far haven't made enough to get a paycheck. Selling Avon... that's ok but again haven't seen a paycheck. Trying to sell things on ebay and that sucks... if you make enough money off of the item after insertion fees, ebays final sale percentage and shipping you made out good. So now I am trying to do resume writing, or appointment setting, anything that I can do from home so I can take care of Amanda... Nothing is really paying off right now or at least yet, but I am hoping soon it will. I guess we will see. My sister told me about another job that will actually bring me in a steady paycheck but it will take me away from being able to raise my daughter. I have had a problem with someone else raising her because that is a good portion of the day. I believe that is where my relationship with my mother went south too. She was spread too thin and we never really spent time together when I was young and needed it. I want to be able to be there for her.
I have tried all I can think of though and if I don't find something soon we are going to be in trouble. So off to post resumes and job hunt!

Every one needs time off

Well this weekend I took off from blogging. I needed to get away from the computer... It turns into my worst enemy sometimes. I am always getting sucked into some scam. Well I am done with all of that. I am taking the higher road and not responding to these people that just are out to get you and don't even care who you are. All they care about is themselves. I hope that I can teach my daughter enough to know when these people are doing these things so she too can catch the scoundrels before getting into it and losing everything she loves. I don't know if it is out of utter hope that people aren't that bad or just naivety. I am not sure but I vow never to ever let it get me again.

That is one thing about the internet. When you start on it you feel you are the king or queen of your internet world and then you wake up and realize that you are just a small fish in this deep dark oceanic world they call the internet and almost everyone out there is a shark waiting for its prey to just go right into it's mouth. How pathetic am I? At least I am smart enough to realize it's a scam before it's way too late and I am out of money and on the streets. I just wish I wouldn't get roped in in the first place...

blog from my new blog site

I have two blog sites now this one http://lovelymama-loveandmotherhood.blogspot.com and http://hubpages.com/hub/Love-and-Motherhood Below is my recent blog on hub pages.

I actually left something out of this. I didn't have the type of support from my family that most people get because I was too ashamed to tell my family all of the feelings I felt. I have too much pride and often have trouble asking for help. I really didn't want them looking down on me with pity or disgust.
My Struggles and how I overcame them

How it all starts!
When I found out I was pregnant there was nothing in the world that could bring my mood down... So I thought! Many women now a days have a job/career, keep house, try to maintain a healthy relationship with their significant other, pay the bills, and keep an active social calendar. Now add pregnancy hormones and you are a time bomb waiting to go off.
1. Being the breadwinner
Many women today are not only working but are also the bread winners. This brings the added stress of making sure you don't lose your job. If you are in management like I was, this also means every day your work being scrutinized to the letter. If you are a woman working for a man that doesn't feel a woman should be in the work place or at the same level as them this brings on the added pressure of making sure you are on the top of your game. There are so many struggles for women in the workplace as it is, then you get pregnant and if you think you had to worry about your job before you are probably twice as likely to worry about it now. These stresses if you don't know how to deal with them can build up and put stress on your pregnancy.
2. Maintaining a clean and healthy living environment
When you get done work, you probably don't stop there. At least if you were anything like me. You probably go home and cook a meal and clean the house before settling down to tv and then bed. This means the added stress of what to make for dinner and which room to start in first. If you are a seasoned house wife this may not be an issue for you at all... but for the rest of us (at least in my case) I had a hard enough day at work the last thing I wanted to worry about was what to cook for dinner...
3. Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with your significant other
Now you work at work and come home and work, when is there time to spend with your significant other... When you sleep?? On the weekends when you really want to relax or hang out with friends?? What does he/she expect from me??? Not to mention who wants to have relations when your as tired as you are??
4. Doing the finances
This is my biggest challenge and stress. I definately do not want to deal with the stress of handling the finances. However that is what I am stuck with. If you live above your means or have debt but not enough income, what gets paid and what slacks until next month... If you are lucky enough to have more income then debt-more power to you but in most cases this is not true, then this is added stress.
5. Maintaining a social calendar
Keeping up with friends is difficult to do when you barely have time for your spouse/S.O. You have to remember birthdays and anniversaries as well as important events... It can get hectic!! You might have a friend who is hanging on that thin line of becoming just an acquaintance.. because when was the last time you spoke to that person?? Then you have the friend who is not going to let you forget your friends-thank god for this one- and calls you everyday and won't accept you not being able to answer the phone. With everything else going on in your life and the stresses you have to manage, how is bringing a baby into this going to make you happy or bring you happiness.
6. Prenancy hormones, complications...more stress
When your pregnant the hormones in your body make you do several things you would not normally do. In my case it was stick up for myself against people that were sarcastic or trying to walk all over me--I kind of wish this had stuck LOL! But it could also mean that you are crying more then usual, angry more then usual, forgetful more then usual, etc, etc... If you are not able to manage the stresses you will have problems. Toxemia is a blood pressure condition in pregnant women, also known as Preeclampsia/Eclampsia. If you do not have a healthy diet and know how to maintain your stress this is likely to occur. It did in my case. I went into preterm labor at 34 weeks and was put out of work. When I went for my 36 week check up they told me I needed to be induced the next day. I was terrified. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was very reluctant and wanted to wait for as long as I could but the doctor and my husband convinced me other wise. I wasn't ready emotionally to have my baby. Even with all of the anticipation I felt to see her...
7. Baby is here!!
I was in labor for about twelve hours.. pushed for about one hour and was in the hospital for a matter of 2 days. My baby was 6lbs14 oz, seemed healthy and we couldn't have been happier. When they drew her blood to check her bilirubin levels I felt more pain then I ever imagined feeling when she was screaming because of the pain the lancet brought her I broke down. I didn't think I would be able to stand. The nurse made me sit down after giving me a big hug. Her levels were high and they would need to keep her there. I was very lucky my husband and I were able to stay with her in the hospital... When I was in there recovering she never left my side. When she was trying to bring her b.r.l. down we never left her side. It was heart wrenching to know that she was not well and would need to be treated for her condition. Granted it was like staying under a tanning light all day and night but there are separate worries that go along with that. (like is she going to be blind because she took off her eye coverings??) When we were finally able to come home (the second time-the first was when they sent me home with her, she had to go back the next day to check the b.r.l's. and we were told to come back)with her she was sent home with a light device because she still wasn't out of the woods. She never seemed to sleep. She was always crying and I was up for literally 3 months straight. I was crying all of the time and due to the lack of sleep was stressed to my breaking points several times. There wasn't a day when I didn't think really bad thoughts on how to make the stress go away(like during her screaming fits that would last for hours). It's a blessing that I valued my daughter's life and my own more then not. Then it was time to go back to work. I went back to my doctor for my postpartum check up and she gave me a questionnaire to fill out. Well needless to say I failed. I talked to my doctor and told her how drained and stressed I was feeling due to all of the stress, she then decided it was best if I was out of work for a little while longer. She put me on an anti depressant and then sooner then later I was back to work. I worked third shift and my husband worked first. We couldn't afford day care-let alone most had waiting lists that didn't help us either. I got no sleep. I also suffer from sleep apnea and was falling asleep behind the wheel due to not being able to rest sufficiently. I gave it a good shot, on the other end of it my husband couldn't handle our daughters screaming fits or lack of sleeping through the night on his own and we made the very difficult decision for me to quit my job.
8. Getting past the endless sadness and feeling of hopelessness
In the long run aside from our current financial difficulties, it was for the best that I quit my job and we really had no other options. I received support(mental and emotional) from my friends. I found comfort in reading letters of hope through postpartum depression, hearing about other's difficulties and how they managed through their crisis can be very inspirational. I didn't find any relief from the anti depressant that the doctor put me on. I put my responsibilities on hold (my other stresses) while I managed the stress of having a new born and the financial obligations that this brought on. It was a little more simple. My husband helped me with the cleaning. I was able to get more sleep. We ate what we could find basically and we just tried to see the brighter side of things. I encourage any women that benefits from anti depressants to use them. It helps to have someone to speak to also. There is a lot of help that you can research on line or have someone else research for you. There are plenty of forums and support groups. If you visit http://workathomestayathomemommyofone.com(this is an informational site to help parents and is still under construction) there are links under helping parents that lead you to the forums and support groups. Do not stay quiet about your condition. Do not let anyone tell you that you are a bad person because of the way you are thinking or how you are feeling. This is not your fault. If you know someone who is having difficulty or you suspect that someone is going through ppd, get help for them. They may not want it or really need it, but more often then not if you are noticing behavioral differences in them, then they do. Better safe then sorry. If you do not seek help or give someone help though and the situation gets worse or something bad happens as a result of it then you can not use the excuse that you tried and failed. With as many resources as are available these days we can not say we did not know. Too many women and children lose their lives because of this psychological disorder.

Where did my youth go

I wish that I could take my daughter and set her in my life about ten years ago. I looked great, felt great, had a terrific job... Now I just don't know where my life went to... I love who I am and what my life is, I just wish I had the physical appearance that I used to. It was much more appealing and wouldn't cause such and obstacle with a budding walker. Soon enough I think though I will be running to keep up with her and then I might have a chance. A lack of money is helping too. Can't buy a ton of food so can't consume a ton of food. I am finding I have to fill my time with more meaningful things, which is so much better for me. I am trying to get out more, however this requires money to do. Almost everything requires money to do. Who knows...one day I will wake up and be right back to where I was weight wise and health wise but until then, here's wishing.

My Family

Family

I could not survive my days without my family and God of course!! Without him they would not be possible. My family means more to me then anything else in this world. Even my pride which is the one thing I have too much of. Letting this go in order to have my family will be key to my success.

Almost walking

Well my daughter is almost walking, she is pulling herself up on things like my coffee table and couch and now she is letting go for a few seconds to try and stand by herself. Today we went to this kiddie gym called Ocean 'N' Motion by where we live and she climbed up on this little merry go round toy-climbed up on it-literally pulled her self up on it. I was so amazed. I couldn't stop smiling. Well I can't wait, she follows me everywhere crawling. All of my rooms that we use on a normal basis are on the first floor so we are set when it comes to her safety and stairs. All we have to do is close the basement door. I am so excited! In the pic to the right Daddy caught her just as she was tipping back.

Bottom of the barrell

Literally... How does that happen you wake up one morning and your like is this really my life. I never understood how someone would want to hang on to their youth so badly but really if you think about it when you were younger you didn't have to worry about money, bills, or any responsibility except to get your homework done. I am applying for more work at home telecommuting jobs now in hope that something will bring me a steady paycheck... Until then?!! I am still not sorry I had my daughter-she is the light of my life!! My husband is pretty great too to hang in here the way he is!

My Angel

From the age of 7 I knew I wanted to be a mommy. I received a cabbage patch doll for Christmas and I understood the whole adoption thing with the certificate. I loved her, took care of her and brushed and styled her hair every day! It prepared me for what I thought would be how being a mommy should be. Well I was grown up and married and wanted a baby so bad and the doctor told me I was infertile. I almost died... literally. If it hadn't been for my best friend pulling me out of it, I would have been. She helped me to remain alive and told me that there are still a lot of things I could do. I was still heart broken but I proceeded to go to the infertility specialist and did cycle upon cycle of chlomid and finally conceived. I was so excited that I didn't know what to do and couldn't sleep. I had a rough pregnancy and tried not to over do it so I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my pregnancy. It was a rough 36 weeks. My angel was born a month early and that 1st week of her life I thought I was going to die again... Her bilirubin levels kept rising, they had to keep her under a uv lamp so that she could expel the bilirubins and start to thrive. I suffered some postpartum depression I think from the stress of everything. Our whole lives changed and I didn't think anything would. I didn't think we would make it through and we did. Eight months later and stress upon stress I would not have changed anything about it. She is my beautiful angel sent from heaven above and she saved my life.

Work from home update

So to the people that have sold their souls to rip off the american people and then boast that they are making $10,000.00 dollars a month working from home, I would like to say one of these days you will get yours. Yes call us that want the same and click on your sites gullible all you want but hey who wouldn't want to make a lot of money. I know I could use it. I don't plan on selling my soul though. Or is that what it takes... Could I get that low - or is it smart to go that route and look after my family. Anyway I don't know I am torn. I will keep blogging hoping that by some miracle people actually sign up to follow my blog and then actually look at my blog and keep trying to sell avon so that I can make some good solid money...
visit my site: http://workathomestayathomemommyofone.com/
and if you want to buy avon click on the work at home page of this site and then my avon store link. Also when you get there click on shop my store please so that I get the credit for it.

Soul still in tact for now-FL

fourth of july

This is my baby girls 1st fourth of july celebration. We are going to take her to see the fireworks on base and we are going to a family cook out! It's going to be great!!! We were up at 4:30 this morning and out by 5:30 thinking we'd be able to go to the grocery store but nothing opened until 7a so we went to two grocery stores before realizing it and everything was closed. Didn't realize it might be because of the holiday though.. So then we ate breakfast did our grocery shopping put the food away at home then went to walk down at the river. It was a good morning. Our Daughter is really getting to be quite the stander, mover and shaker. She will be walking soon I just know it. I honestly can't wait. I may have an easier time losing weight when she can move more independantly.. Trying to keep up with her.

Knock Knock...Avon Calling

Another venture to try and bring in some income so I don't feel like a complete slouch!!! I have started selling Avon for extra income. The website is:
http://flockwood.avonrepresentative.com/
I chose to sell avon because they make and have high quality products that match up to name brand products we use every day but for recession friendly reasonable prices!

So next time you want to buy any every day product like make up, skin care, etc... Think of me your avon lady.

Serving all areas through my e-rep site and browns mills in person

Trying my hand at something else

So working from home takes a while apparently. After getting through all these work from home schemes to find something that actually works then it not working nearly fast enough. I knew I wouldn't be rich over night but at this rate I won't even get a paycheck for 4 months or more. Anyway I am going to stick to it and see what happens. However in the mean time I am going to try and do something else, that apparently I will have to actually speak to people about. That part isn't a bad thing it's just I'm not that great at it. I am better at writing. If I could find away to market that I totally would. However I don't have the know how. Not yet anyway!

losing the baby weight

I am a big woman to begin with but when I got pregnant I gained 50lbs. I lost 30 of them right off the bat but losing the other 20 is a different story. Then I go to my sisters house today to do the wii active which I am so proud to say I was able to do on medium and burned about 315 calories... Now to stay motivated. When I was there I noticed my sister had a picture of me when I was about 22. Man I don't even remember those days but I looked great!! I would love to look like that again and I am determined to do it. I just have to get my eating under control. I started off good this morning by having half a banana and a kiwi. But then I go home where there is no one around except my little girl and I had popcorn-ok not sooo bad-especially because it is light. I also had this snack mix and two slices of pizza. There goes the exercising... Maybe I can do my wii fit tonight to make up the difference??? Anyway back on tomorrow.

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Feeding herself

It's the little things you take for granted right?! They always tell you that well-maybe I listened because let me tell you, not having to put little pieces of food in her mouth anymore is fantastic!!! I can't wait until she learns how to properly use a spoon... This being said maybe she has grown a little too independent! Now when I try to help her with the food-if it looks like she is having difficulty she throws a fit and pushes all her food away from her along with your hands. It cracks me up though because I know I am getting a taste of what I gave my mother. I was always very independent and wanted to do everything myself. Even today-I think that is why not having a job is driving me crazy-that and money, well for the most part. I know I shouldn't wish the time away because soon enough the teen years will be here and she won't want anything at all to do with me :)

Sunday morning

Is there anything better then spending Saturday night with friends until about 10:30p, cuddling with your husband in your nice warm bed after putting the baby to sleep until 11:30p and then Sunday morning after sleeping a full 6 and 1/2 hours sleeping, spent with the ones you love most. Eating pancakes, kiwi, and mangoes for breakfast playing with Amanda and watching some tv. This is bliss!!! Everyone is in a good mood and up at 7! Getting it started early and planning a day full of fun with friends and family. It couldn't get better then this! Yes I am in the best mood that I have been in for a long time! I can't wait to get this day started.

mood swings

When your dealing with adults it's one thing, you can get away from them or tell them to get a grip or leave you alone but when it comes to your child there is no avoiding mood swings. Amanda can be perfectly happy one minute and the very next second its like her head is going to spin around and she is going to vomit split pea soup. No lie!!! I don't understand it. What is a mother to do in this case? So you spend hours trying to get her in a better mood. Trying everything until you yourself are in a bad mood. I have found that sometimes not always all it takes is a change of scenery. Get her in a different place or around different people and she is great! But then again if you are in that place too long mood swing here she comes...

Thunder and Lightning

I used to love the way lightning looked in the sky especially the electrical storms you would see in the summer. It could be so spectacular. I loved sitting on my parents front porch just watching the sky and meditating on the wonders of it all. Now get me to the furthest corner of the house because I am terrified. I think it is mainly because now I want to protect my daughter. Maybe... Or it could be that I am just scared. I haven't decided yet. Well apparently I am not the only one. My daughter is scared of them. She saw her first one tonight. She screamed so loud it sounded like a cat being tortured. It was horrible and sad. She was practically hyperventilating. Once it died down a little she calmed but lord let me tell you....

sleep deprivation

Being a stay at home mother is very complicated. You have less money coming in, which means you sacrifice more, which means you go out less, which means that you hang out with adult friends less, which means you feel less about yourself, and all this causes you to get less sleep. The only thing you seem to do more of is worry and go crazy!

One of these days I will be normal again. Until then I will settle for the pride I take in my daughter!

The one thing I did to pamper/treat myself today was hang out with my best friend for an hour.

clapping hands

You lose the meaning of happiness I think as an adult. You forget something as simple as clapping hands as a show of happiness. My daughter today clapped her hands for the first time and it reminded me of when I was a kid and how everything made me happy. Now a days it really takes a special even, like my daughter crawling to make me clap in joy. Where have those days gone? Down the drain with the money that we send towards bills and stuff. It's crazy how much money problems can bring down your sense of everything really. I think that it is time to bring back the happiness. Every day I am going to try to do one thing (at least) to make myself happy and screw every thing else.

stay home work

Is there anything you can honestly do these days to work from home really???? Some say yes of course there are all those infomercials and websites but which are schemes and which aren't? Recently-quite recently I might add, I have been looking into doing something from home with no luck so far. My eight month old-which by the way is crawling-yeah!!!!...is starting to be a little more independent which would allow me to work from home if I could find something. So far I am finding a lot of different ones. Now mind you so far the one's I have found would normally be considered schemes. However I have found that if you have enough money to put out it would actually make you a considerable profit... If you had a lot of money to put out and don't get sucked in to just giving up your money with out putting the effort behind it. Here's is the problem. While being pushed into giving up your money and then left to do it on your own, you get frustrated and feel as though you would rather give up then be raped for more money that you don't have. Well there are a few that are worth looking into for little to no start up money. You just need to know where to look. Also beware if it say's it is free or little down beware of the membership fees which will kick in after 7 days.

Getting back on the horse

Most women have told me that it was very difficult for them to "get back on the horse" after having had their babies. I don't know what the big deal is... I didn't find it that difficult at all. Sure it was a little uncomfortable at first but you just gave birth to a baby. Things were pushed out and stretched so far that it may never feel the same again. After having my baby we tried at 4 weeks and it was uncomfortable to say the least. I thought to myself if I didn't want to give it up to my husband this would be the perfect opportunity to get out of doing it again. I can see the temptation to use excuses. If you are just not that into your husband or significant other get out now because it will only get worse. If you want to work on it I know it may not be comfortable at first... however this doesn't mean it can't be great as long as both partners are willing to make a commitment to each other's comfort. I love it and would never be able to give it up. I will stop enjoying my husband's company when I am dead. If you aren't able to enjoy it any more then it could be a medical problem and should speak to a doctor. Don't let your relationship go by the wayside because you feel your obligations are held and it is no longer necessary. A lot of divorces happen because people say the passion is gone from their marriage. Try to put a stop to it!!! If the obgyn can't help you try looking into a shrink-unless you are absolutely physically impaired and doing it will kill you-you should really work on this!

Father's Day!

I love to make my husband cry, in good ways mind you!!! Today was the best yet. I was up all night with the baby and finally got her to sleep around 9a and started making my husband breakfast. It was yummy we had pancakes and scrambled eggs and ham stake-the real kind with the bone and all mmm mmm! Then I gave him the fathers day card from me. It was sappy but didn't get him. Finally Amanda woke up and gave him his card. I let her give it to him it was so cute. He starts reading the card and she is making giggly sounds and he just lost it. Water works galore!!! It isn't that I like to see him immasculated or anything like that. It's that I get to see him human. I have never dated a man that actually showed his emotions-mind you it takes a really special occasion (like me giving birth to Amanda-he was more blubbery then me) but at least he can! So here is to all the men that aren't afraid to let their guard down every once in a while and shed a tear!!! Happy Father's Day Men!!!

Answered Prayers and the consequences

I have wanted a child for several years now. Even before my husband and I were married, I think I have wanted to be a mother since I was twelve years old. I finally found the man of my dreams and married him had a great career that was on the rise, then all that was left to complete my life goals was to have a baby. Finally we were on our way to finding a home and it fell through. I went for my normal obgyn appointment and told the doctor that I was having unusual menstral cycles. My doctor told me I was infertile and referred me to an infertility specialist that then told me that I had pcos-polycystic ovarian syndrome. In a nutshell I was not ovulating and would need to start a regimen of medications including chlomid to help the process. I was on 5 cycles of the medication when I was about to give up hope and finally the pregnancy test read positive it was the happiest day of my life. This of course is the short version of the agonizing hell I went through. My husband and I had just restarted our search for the perfect house and was about to make an offer on it right before we found out. This was a sign to me that everything was about to fall into place. We did it!...Right!? Well where my prayers were answered in one aspect of my life other aspects started to collapse. Not the worst of which I might add was my career. During the 36 weeks I was pregnant, my feelings about my great career became a back burner to my health. I was always sick-from the pregnancy and from the stress. I had gone into pre term labor at 33 weeks and the doctor put me out of work and on bed rest. Which didn't prevent the toxemia from occuring and forcing the doctors to induce labor at 36 weeks. Luckily my baby girl was beautiful and for the most part healthy only spending a week in the hospital to get her bilirubin levels to normal. All this while the whole thing is wreaking havoc on our finances-nothing really prepares you financially for being a parent and then when it was time to go back to work my husband and I were not prepared to deal with these circumstances. We thought we had it figured out because we didn't have the money to send her to daycare and no support from family or friends(which you know it's not their responsibility anyway) we decided to work opposite shifts. I have sleep apnea and I worked overnight and had to care for the baby during the day so I wasn't getting any sleep and falling asleep behind the wheel. My husband and I decided it was for the best if I quit my job. I miss working and the people I worked with but my family had to come first and I didn't want my daughter to grow up with out a mother.